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Posts Tagged ‘Food & Drink’

  1. Pizza on the Grill

    June 28, 2011 by parry

    I love pizza. Pizza is one of the constants in my life that sits like, way up there with cheap red wine, corgis, and My So-Called Life. Much like a teacher, I DEFINITELY have favorites, but I try not to outwardly discriminate. And I mean, you have to be real dumb to fuck up pizza, (Yeah. That’s right. I’m talking to YOU, “Juan” at Dominoes in the “Prep” section of the Online Pizza Tracker. Remember that time you put my $5.99 pineapple and pepperoni on THIN crust, when I ALWAYS ask for hand-tossed? It’s okay, I forgive you), which is what makes it such a dependable constant and also ensures repeated deliciousness. I’m pretty much down with anything involving cheese and bread though. Or just cheese. Or just bread, come to think of it.

    Basically what I’m saying is that pizza is awesome, in (almost) all forms, as long as the person who’s making it knows the difference between hand-tossed and thin crust. Which is why, dear friends, I HAVE to share with you the ORGASMIC pizza Boyfriend and I made at his apartment the other night on his grill. Because like, I’ve had a lot of pizza, from like, SEVERAL Burroughs, but this shit straight up made me cream my panties upon entering my mouth (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID). You’re welcome.

    Okay, so, alls you need is the following:

    1. One (1) bag pizza dough

    2. One (1) jar of pizza sauce

    3. One (1) big-ass bag of shredded cheese, unless you only want “a little bit” of cheese,                                       in which case get off my blog.

    4. Some olive oil and flour so that the pizza dough doesn’t stick to shit.

    5.  Ample assorted toppings* - PUT IT IN THE PIZZA!

    *We used arugula, cherry tomatoes and jalapenos, which I HIGHLY recommend.

    And guest what?! All of these things can be purchased at a grocery store, and should be relatively easy to find, unless you go to the Shop Rite on Avenue A and 4th St. There is absolutely no method to the madness of that store.

    Directions: Dirty the dough up with flour, then do the thing where they toss it up in the air to make it circular. Results may vary. Spread olive oil on one side, then put that thang down, flip it and reverse it, so that it is lightly toasted on both sides. Add sauce & cheese. Give it like, 5-10 minutes to cook (covered), then add ample assorted toppings. Give it like, a few more minutes, and just keep checking it periodically by sticking your finger in the dough to gauge crispiness.

    That’s pretty much it. I lightly drizzled with additional olive oil after it cooled, which Boyfriend seems to think made it soggy, but I’m convinced the cherry tomato juices were the culprit. Would love to win this argument, so let me know if you agree.

    Anywho, we were pretty pleased with ourselves, so here are some quasi-artsy photos we took of SERIOUSLY THE BEST PIZZA EVER:





  2. 3-Buck Chuck

    September 14, 2010 by parry

    I heart red wine. This will come as no shock to anyone that knows me. But even more than I love red wine itself, I love CHEAP red wine. This also, will not drop  jaws. When I was in highschool, I fondly remember toting around jugs of Carlo Rossi as my intoxicator of choice. While everyone else slugged back Coors Light and wine coolers, I chose to sneak in past curfew with purple teeth. I’m the baddest bitch.

    Maybe one day when I make more money than an immigrant grape-plucker, I’ll  invest in and appreciate whatever wine is REALLY supposed to taste like. Until then, I choose Chuck: “Three-Buck Chuck”, rather – From the God-send that is Trader Joe’s. But WHERE did it come from and WHY is it so cheap? And am I going to develop some sort of unsightly growth because of the answers to these questions? Thankfully, no. “Three-Buck Chuck” (“Two-Buck” in it’s home state of CA and other regions due to varying state liquor taxes and transportation costs) is legit, and here’s how:

    Pimp Daddy investment banker and wine enthusiast Charles Shaw (which is actually the given name of the brand itself AND the brand’s original winery) took his happy ass to California’s Napa Valley in the 1980′s with a dream and a cardigan some bottles of Beaujolais-based booze. He hoped to bring his name brand wine to the masses; but, it was kind of an epic fail and Chuck was forced to sell his winery in 1991. Sadface. The Charles Shaw brand was then purchased by none other than industry tycoon Fred Franzia, CEO of Bronco Wine. Yes, as in SLAP-THE-SACK Franzia (if you’re not familiar with the game associated with the aforementioned boxed wine, you’re missing out on WAY more than a hangover).

    Franzia’s cash monies breathed life into Shaw’s brand and, since it’s debut in 2001, can only be found in the privately-owned Trader Joe’s stores. It’s gained success sans marketing or advertising, which can be directly attributed to the price ($1.99-$2.99), the bottling (which gives more of an impression of class than a sack within a box) and the taste (dry, smooth & sugar-less). The dirt-cheap price has maintained itself since the Silicon Valley dot com boom in the 90′s, which produced enough economic abundance in the region to allow vineyards to plant vines to their heart’s content. More grapes meant more wine, with Wine Spectator noting that:

    “What made Two-Buck Chuck click is the huge wine glut in California. There was so much unsold bulk wine … that producers were almost giving it away.”

    So basically, consumers and their palettes should not shy away from the cheap Chuck in fear of poor quality, a la Franzia (although Sunset Blush is kind of delicious). Because it IS a decent wine – We just lucked out on the price due to an abundant supply of grapes and a lack of demand. Basic economics!  Now, based on the Beaujolais-inspired vino that Shaw initially envisioned, Three-Buck Chuck is available in Cabernet Sauvignon, White Zinfandel, Merlot, Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Shiraz, and Pinot Grigio. Which keeps both my bank account and my mild form of alcoholism pretty on-point.

    Oh, AND I can rest assured that, much unlike my frequent occasional McDonald’s consumption, this will not give my future children 7 toes and 4 nipples. Thank you, Charles Shaw. And you’re welcome, friends.