Things are going to change around here, god damnit. I know that I haven’t updated this thing since like ’10, but it’s about to be July and my porcelain skin burns really easily in the sun, so instead of doing outdoor activities, I AM GOING TO BLOG AND YOU ARE GOING TO READ MY WORDS. KTHXBYE.
Psych! I would never yell at you guys like that. I mean, sometimes I get a little sensitive and Sybil-ish the week before I turn into Patty Periodpants, but typically it’s nothing a good cry and a cheap bottle of wine can’t fix. I’m really not a big yeller in general, unless your name is Karin and you ask me for a cigarette every time I see you, even though you like, totally “quit” 6 months ago, but you’re drunk and we just ate dinner and then you offer to give me a dollar and it’s like, HELLO, single dollar bills might as well be pennies to me, and neither one of those TASTES LIKE CIGARETTES and then one day I just blurt out NO, NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A CIGARETTE in front of like, 6 of our friends, which was totally inappropriate and uncalled for. Sorry, Karin!
But I digress.
I just wanted to let you guys know that this is my blog, and it’s a no-nonsense blog, and I’m not gunna take any crap from nobody. You do not try to joke me down on my own blog. I will murder you on national television.
And I want to talk to you. Though you may not want me to. I’m still gunna talk to you. Talkin’ bout issues, talkin’ bout really important issues. Discussin’ politics and the issues of the day. Talkin’ about chest hair, talkin’ bout, crazy cool medallions.
You guys nawhatamsayin’, right? I’m Barry EFFIN’ Gibb.
Psych! Again! Punch buggie no punch backs! Or whatever.
But seriously: My name is Parry and I DO want to talk to you. At you, rather. Talk at you. Though you may not want me to. I’m still gunna talk at you. If you need further clarification as to why I have adopted this mantra, please see below: