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Posts Tagged ‘Boyfriend’

  1. Mattress for Snuggling

    August 12, 2011 by parry

    Ohmygod I LOVE TO SNUGGLE. And if you don’t …

    1. Somewhere a puppy just died and 2. I don’t want to know you anymore.

    Because if you can’t snuggle with your friends, then THEY AREN’T REALLY YOUR FRIENDS.  I mean, no one snuggles with strangers unless like, you’re either someone who counts flashmobs as a hobby, or, you may have a drinking problem. So I guess what I’m really saying is that if you like to snuggle then we can probably be friends and one day we can probably snuggle so therefore everyone that wants to continue knowing me should invest in a MATTRESS FOR SNUGGLING!

    Boyfriend and I are like, way big on snuggling for the first 15 minutes we get in bed. Like, anaconda-style snuggling.  But then one of us starts drooling, sweating or developing a dead arm, and we’re like “Okay you are great and special and I love you but I think I need to stretch out.”

    So imagine my delight when he sprinkled my InBox with this little nugget. Those people look SO SNUG.  Dead arm be gone! I mean, the chance of sweating may increase when you have a body part shoved in those gaping holes (that’s what she said?!), but let’s be honest: Dead arm is the real problem here. Oscillating fans fix sweating (usually) and if you drool, so what? It brings you closer. On the real though, my main problem is the apparent inability to apply sheets.  Because like, sweat + drool on whatever that surface is = slip n’ slide. Which is not at all what I want during summer in New York. Winter? Maybe.




  2. Pizza on the Grill

    June 28, 2011 by parry

    I love pizza. Pizza is one of the constants in my life that sits like, way up there with cheap red wine, corgis, and My So-Called Life. Much like a teacher, I DEFINITELY have favorites, but I try not to outwardly discriminate. And I mean, you have to be real dumb to fuck up pizza, (Yeah. That’s right. I’m talking to YOU, “Juan” at Dominoes in the “Prep” section of the Online Pizza Tracker. Remember that time you put my $5.99 pineapple and pepperoni on THIN crust, when I ALWAYS ask for hand-tossed? It’s okay, I forgive you), which is what makes it such a dependable constant and also ensures repeated deliciousness. I’m pretty much down with anything involving cheese and bread though. Or just cheese. Or just bread, come to think of it.

    Basically what I’m saying is that pizza is awesome, in (almost) all forms, as long as the person who’s making it knows the difference between hand-tossed and thin crust. Which is why, dear friends, I HAVE to share with you the ORGASMIC pizza Boyfriend and I made at his apartment the other night on his grill. Because like, I’ve had a lot of pizza, from like, SEVERAL Burroughs, but this shit straight up made me cream my panties upon entering my mouth (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID). You’re welcome.

    Okay, so, alls you need is the following:

    1. One (1) bag pizza dough

    2. One (1) jar of pizza sauce

    3. One (1) big-ass bag of shredded cheese, unless you only want “a little bit” of cheese,                                       in which case get off my blog.

    4. Some olive oil and flour so that the pizza dough doesn’t stick to shit.

    5.  Ample assorted toppings* - PUT IT IN THE PIZZA!

    *We used arugula, cherry tomatoes and jalapenos, which I HIGHLY recommend.

    And guest what?! All of these things can be purchased at a grocery store, and should be relatively easy to find, unless you go to the Shop Rite on Avenue A and 4th St. There is absolutely no method to the madness of that store.

    Directions: Dirty the dough up with flour, then do the thing where they toss it up in the air to make it circular. Results may vary. Spread olive oil on one side, then put that thang down, flip it and reverse it, so that it is lightly toasted on both sides. Add sauce & cheese. Give it like, 5-10 minutes to cook (covered), then add ample assorted toppings. Give it like, a few more minutes, and just keep checking it periodically by sticking your finger in the dough to gauge crispiness.

    That’s pretty much it. I lightly drizzled with additional olive oil after it cooled, which Boyfriend seems to think made it soggy, but I’m convinced the cherry tomato juices were the culprit. Would love to win this argument, so let me know if you agree.

    Anywho, we were pretty pleased with ourselves, so here are some quasi-artsy photos we took of SERIOUSLY THE BEST PIZZA EVER: