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‘Deep Thoughts’ Category

  1. Beauty and the BEAT!

    January 22, 2013 by parry

    It’s been a long time. I shouldn’ta left you. Without a dope beat to step to. Step to, step to, step to. Step to, Step to. FREAKY-FREAKY!

    But fear not friends, because I got the GOOD shit today. I’m juggling several editorial balls at the moment (some bigger than others, although I don’t discriminate based on size), and this week brings me to Rolling Stone, where I’m working in the research department. Today, one of my tasks included some Justin Bieber-related research and 1. I finally listed to “Boyfriend” and I hate that I love it. It’s a total panty splash despite the fact that he looks like a lesbian. 2. While trying to figure out if Bieber’s song with Nicki Minaj is titled “Beauty and the Beat” or “Beauty and A Beat” (it’s the latter, in case you care) I came across the best thing I’ve ever seen. Ever. Like, ever. Since forever. Foreva-eva, foreva-eva? Yes. Forever.

    Watch. Love. Laugh. Pat ya’ weave out.

    (Shout out to the creator of the video, Todrick Hall, for making me pee my pants a little at my desk. Granted, I’ve been holding it through a latte and a 20 oz. Diet Coke, but still).

    xoxo,

    parrypants


  2. Stocking Stuffer

    November 18, 2012 by parry

    Can someone who’s not Lady Gaga please tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do with these?

    Also please note that they cost SIX-HUNDRED-SIXTY-EIGHT-AMERICAN-DOLLARS.

    Furthermore, as of today, November 18th, 2012, when we are allegedly still (maybe) in a recession or whatever rich people say when they have to fly business instead of first class, they are “low in stock.” Now, I have an online shopping problem as big as the next girl, BUT YOU CAN’T EVEN USE THEM FOR SUN BLOCKING WHILE SEEING WITH YOUR EYES. YOUR SPECIAL EYES. LOOK, LOOK WITH YOUR SPECIAL EYES!


  3. Holy haikus, Batman!

    April 16, 2012 by parry

    Things I like today: Honeydew-flavored Bubble Tea (ZOMG. a refreshing beverage that also kind of feels like a snack thanks to TAPIOCA BALLS, which I love and never thought I’d hear myself say) and HAIKUS. Yes, bitch. HAIKUS! Before there was the 9-9-9, there was the 5-7-5, and I’m about rock you like a Herman Cain in middle school English.

    The topic (and a VERY real problem), as requested by Boyfriend: “Make one about the temperature going up and down and your winter/summer clothes being too far down in the bed-vault, so in the most privileged and amazing city in the world, you are extremely uncomfortable out of being too lazy to attack your highly organized and efficient space saving seasonal clothing rotation system.”

    Oh cool, so we’re starting out easy?

    1. global warming exists
    the proof is in her wardrobe
    crammed, lazily, in dust

    2. binge shopping drawbacks
    ten sweaters to unpack when
    winter is one snow

    3. big apple problems
    looking good isn’t easy
    i can’t reach my scarves

    xoxo

    parrypants

     


  4. Kim and Kris Kan’t Kommitt (womp womp)

    November 1, 2011 by parry

    What kind of pop culture addict would I be if I didn’t have something to say about Kim Kardashian’s failed nuptials to the shitbag prehistoric oaf she married, also known as Kris Humphries? A bad one. Or a busy one. Both of which I am not. I aim to please, people. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOATHE Kimmy K. Do I think I could be friends with Kourtney and Khloe? Possibly. Do I too, admire the empire they’ve created for themselves, thus allowing them to do things like get cellulite removal on a whim and/or go buy Tampons and in a pair of spiked Louboutins? Totally. Did I watch “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding” last night just so I could be all like, “GIRL. HELLO. WE (the people + Khloe) TOLD YOU SO!” Yes. Yes I did. Also, because it came on right after back-to-back episodes of “Sex & the City,” and by that point I had all but become an appendage from my couch.

    But yeah I mean, HELLO! GIRL. SERIOUSLY. I don’t wish divorce upon anyone, but she was better off with Ray J. However, I’m not here to talk shit (today). I’m here to pass along the good word of comedian Rob Delaney, who, instead of over-analyzing “WHAT WENT WRONG” like the rest of us, is SUING Kim Kardashian, Ryan Seacrest, E! Entertainment Television, and Comcast for

    “promoting their sham marriage, bilking advertisers, and polluting the airwaves of America and every other nation unfortunate enough to be subject to the disease of Kardashia.”

    Aside from totally LOVING this idea and wish I had thought of it myself (a la Arrested Westeros), I thought Rob’s advice to Kim on the subject of marriage was particularly poignant:

    “Sometimes it sucks. And I don’t mean lower-case “s” sucks. I mean it SUCKS so fucking hard you’re POSITIVE you’ll give yourself stomach cancer or an embolism as you try to make your spouse explode through telekinesis. When you relax, however, and remember that you’re a bigger asshole than they are, with enough neuroses and calcified bad habits to warrant their own card catalog, you realize that they’re struggling through life’s shit storm just like you. Then you take a shower together and fuck while laughing.”

    RIIIIIIIEEEGHT?! You guys need to read this article in full. He eventually goes on to call Kim a “sexy monster,” which I enjoy.

    Also, Rob, we should be friends. Or at least pen pals. I have a lot of things I’d like to talk to you about with extreme emphasis via CAPSLOCK.

     

    xoxo

    parrypants


  5. Typical Situation

    October 14, 2011 by parry

    Okay so here’s the thing: Whenever I tell people I work “in music” or “in the music industry,” undoubtedly, their follow-up question is: “OooOOOo! Do you sing or play an instrument?!” To which I politely laugh and then tell them “Oh honey, NO. I cannot carry a tune to save my life!” This is literally my exact canned response. But I mean,  just because you’re a GENIUS in the Hummdinger catergory in Cranium, does not a musician make. I played the flute for like, 2 years in middle school because that’s what all the other cute and pretty girls were doing, even though I wanted to play the drums; but, alas, I thought I was WAY too cute and pretty for such a loud, bulky instrument. Girl Power. And if we’re being honest ’round these parts, I didn’t exactly peak in “cute and pretty” during middle school, so who was I kidding.

    There was also a time I learned how to play the first 15 seconds of Dave Matthews Band’s “Typical Situation” on the acoustic guitar, and I could KILL the Rugrats theme song on the piano. But this is as far as my musical talent and/or patience reached.

    So when my friend Keenan recently told me he needed to temporarily get rid of some instruments while he moved, I decided I should jump at the opportunity to partially commit to learning how to play one. I walked away with both a banjo and a ukulele. Super ambitious of me, right?

    First of all, that banjo was fucking heavy. I carried it all the way from the Essex stop to my apt on 1st Avenue and 4th Street, and after the first few blocks I quit carrying it like a cool person and started carrying it like a sack of groceries. My friend Noel, in the meantime, took the itty bitty ukulele and was walking around grinning like Tiny Fucking Tim himself.  After I finally lugged the banjo up my 6 flights of stairs, I was beyond ready to put Baby in a corner.

    Then, whilst working from home the other day, the precious little ukulele sang out to me. In the key of B sharp. Or whatever. Also, I had just finished going through all my trashy celeb-stalking websites and needed something else to do during my “lunch break.” The uke was the closest thing I could grab without leaving my chair. So I picked the sucker up, Googled a bunch of chords and shit, and .. ABRACADABRA! I was ready to play my first song:  The Velvet Underground’s “After Hours.”

    Sike! That did not go well. Mostly because I am both stubborn and lazy and like to learn things the hard way. Also, I’m just really ready to give people a different answer when they ask me if I play an instrument or have an untapped American Idol voice: “Well yes, actually. I do dabble in the uke from time to time.” Do people say that? Whatever. So once I sort of got the hang of a few chords, I decided to record myself in an effort to show the world that if I can do it, SO CAN YOU.

    And I’m going to show it to you because there’s nothing I love more than self-deprecating humor. This could get really awkward for the both of us though, so, you know, enter at your own risk (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!? Never gets old. Never.).

    NOTES: 1.) The uke has a name – Luke … the Uke … get it? 2.) The “wink” is not intended for the general public, and 3.) Yes, I know I missed the second “BEWWWWWW.” I was nervous, okay?

    Afternoon Delight from Parry Ernsberger on Vimeo.

     

    xoxo

    parrypants


  6. Shameover and/or Look What I Can Do!

    October 4, 2011 by parry

    Do you guys hate me? I know I’ve been a bad blogger. And I feel shame. SO MUCH SHAME.   Does this adorable picture of a sad and shameful corgi help? Because that’s how I feel.

    Adorable and shameful.

    But seriously, let’s talk about this. I’m sorry I’ve been bad at keeping up. I’ve been meaning to write you. It’s all I think about when I go to bed at night. Okay, not ALL I think about. Sometimes I think about brilliantly clever things I could have/should have said at one point or another during the day and then brainstorm ways to insert them into future conversations. Sometimes I think about super-stylish outfit options for the coming week, even though you and I both know that I’m lucky if I make time to shower, much less iron a flouncy blouse. Sometimes I think about how hungry I always am and consider leaving bed for a string cheese snack. Sometimes. But other times, I think of you, Peoplethatoccassionallyreadmyblog. So take comfort in knowing that. K?

    In other news, I have been BUSY! And this is where I shamelessly plug my very first marquee feature EVER for Blurt Magazine Online. I was super lucky to be able to interview Alec Ounsworth from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, who just released a new album (Hysterical) after a lengthy hiatus. If you like me, or if you like music, Alec Ounsworth and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, you should read it (please and thank you):

    Is There Hope After Hiatus?

    The indie sensation garners applause with the release of its 3rd studio album. But Alec Ounsworth doesn’t care what we think anyways.

     


    xoxo

    parrypants